“He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”
English humorist & science fiction novelist 1952 – 2001
via The Quotations Page.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson, cartoonist, “Calvin and Hobbes”
US cartoonist (1958 – )
I was always taught to respect my elders and I’ve now reached the age when I don’t have anybody to respect.
– George Burns
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 – 2001)
The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.
…just remember that “Oy!” is just “Yo!” spelled backwards.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
“Adventure is just bad planning.”
Norwegian Arctic & Antarctic explorer
“Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What happened?”
22. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
23. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.”
If aging improves things I must be approaching magnificent.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
If you can be “disgruntled” can you be “gruntled? Turns out that you can according to Webster. “Gruntle” is defined as “to put in a good humor”. Wonderful thing, the English language.
Hey! It’s Monday morning. Give me a break here.