Polizei: He needs a new job.

A German man, who surely must be one of the world’s most inept crooks, turned himself in to Polizei after botching four robberies in one day and getting trapped in his getaway car when he rammed a bank van.

via Ananova – Useless robber hands himself in.

Fill ‘er up?

The sequence of events happens dozens of times every day at the BP gas station/convenience store at U.S. 19 at Nursery Road.

An unsuspecting customer pulls up to the drive-through window. But instead of a store clerk, up pops two paws, deep brown eyes and the tongue-flapping grin of a happy chocolate Labrador retriever named Cody.

Kids in the back seats of minivans often squeal with joy.

Even the usually stony faces of gruff construction worker-types can't help but crack a smile under the dog's unpretentious greeting.

“He hears the bell and goes running. When he pops up, that sets it off,” said Karim Mansour, the store's and dog's owner. “Uncontrollable giggling.”

More at St. Petersburg Times.

Thinking about fish for dinner? This one may eat you instead.

Chiasmodon niger, a deep sea fish sometimes called “the black swallower,” can devour fish larger than itself.

21 other images at Census of Marine Life – FOXNews.com.

Basketball is a non-contact sport, right?

Link

ER sign is hurting

It was simply a case of the right bulbs going out at the wrong time. But passers-by couldn’t be blamed for thinking a smirking prankster, or something much darker, was responsible when they looked up at the neon sign for Elmhurst Hospital in Queens, N.Y., which then displayed the ominous phrase “I’m hurt.”

via Neon Elmhurst Hospital Sign Burns Out Appropriately – Asylum.com.

2012: DOOMSDAY!! Yawn. Another one?

Throughout history, there have been those who have predicted the Coming of the End, the Consummation of All Things, the Return of Christ, Armageddon, Ragnarok, what-have-you. The majority of these seers and prognosticators were wise enough to leave the date unspecified, presumably to avoid embarrassment when the expected event failed to materialize. Others, such as Nostradamus and Bishop Ussher, put the date far into the future, long after their corporeal bodies had returned to dust.

There are those few brave souls, however, who are willing to stick their necks out, and give us a date in the near future, when they themselves will presumably still be around to either bask in the glow of glory, or suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, should the cosmic plan go awry. It is to these, the few, the brave and most importantly, the Web-enabled that this list is dedicated.

Much more at The Doomsday List.

The Theory of the Universe

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Douglas Adams
English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 – 2001)

How to fake a ghost video

This would make a great Halloween stunt.

Link to video

The ghost of Eunice Goody Cole

The only woman to be convicted of witchcraft in New Hampshire was Goodwife (Goody) Eunice Cole of Hampton. This unfortunate creature was found guilty, lashed with a whip, and thrown in jail. She was sixty-four at the time.

New Englanders in the seventeenth century feared the devil. They believed that all natural disasters were caused by a person who was possessed by “Old Nick.” If their crops failed, if a cow went dry, or if an epidemic struck, they blamed someone in the community, usually an eccentric old person. In Salem, Massachusetts nineteen people were hanged for witchcraft, some on testimony given by excitable children.

Goody Cole was lucky to escape with her life. Townspeople were convinced of her guilt. Neighborhood children claimed they had seen her take the form of a dog, a cat, and an eagle. They said they had seen the devil, in the form of a black dwarf with a red cap, sitting at her table.

Lots more at  Seacoast NH – Eunice Goody Cole

This woman is just one example of the result of theological control of civil affairs.

10 cm slug just slip-sliding along in Ontario

After Lisa Bendall and her daughter spotted some unusually coloured slugs while walking to school one day, they launched an investigation that has the world of amateur and professional malacologists (that’s slug- and snail-watchers to you and me) scratching their heads.

“We were in awe,” says Bendall, a freelance writer, of the pumpkin-coloured things, which are 10 centimetres [about 4 inches] long when extended.

More at  10 cm Etobicoke slug a big, slimy mystery – thestar.com.

Crime tip: Don’t put your pot farm 25 feet from a police station

Police in Los Angeles recently busted a pot farm located in a building 25 feet behind a police station. How’d they know it was there? They smelled it.

via Pot Farm Found Behind Police Station, Says LAPD.

Were you married in Texas? Are you sure?

Texans: Are you really married?

Maybe not.

Barbara Ann Radnofsky, a Houston lawyer and Democratic candidate for attorney general, says that a 22-word clause in a 2005 constitutional amendment designed to ban gay marriages erroneously endangers the legal status of all marriages in the state.

The amendment, approved by the Texas Legislature and overwhelmingly ratified by Texas voters, declares that “marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.” But the trouble-making phrase, as Radnofsky sees it, is Subsection B, which declares:

“This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.”

More via Top Stories | Star-Telegram.com.

Normandy Nessie

Russ Sittloh says a mysterious serpent-like creature that’s at least 20 feet long has been swimming in the canal behind his Madeira Beach [Florida] home and he wants to find out what it is.

“The head will come up and then it will disappear and then the next thing you know, you’ll see a couple rolls behind it,” Sittloh said.

Sittloh has named the creature “Normandy Nessie” after the road he lives on. The 78-year-old retired engineer has also set up a camera to capture video of the creature and so far he’s recorded “Normandy Nessie” six times.

video at  10connects.com | Tampa, St. Petersburg, Clearwater.

Wait. The hole was made so the dog could steal chickens?

QUOTE:

A Chinese burglar got stuck after he tried to crawl through a tiny opening built for a farmer’s pet dog to steal some chickens.

via Ananova – Hole in wall traps burglar.

That’s an accommodating man…making a hole in the barn wall so the dog could get in to steal chickens.

Dig out those skirts, girls. The Paris cops said so.

A decree banning women from wearing trousers in Paris is still technically in force, it emerged on Monday, making the laissez-faire French capital theoretically stricter than hardline Sudan in the fashion stakes.

The rule banning women from dressing like men – namely by wearing trousers – was first introduced in 1800 by [the] Paris’ police chief and has survived repeated attempts to repeal it.

The 1800 rule stipulated than any Parisienne wishing to dress like a man “must present herself to Paris' main police station to obtain authorisation”.

In 1892 it was slightly relaxed thanks to an amendment which said trousers were permitted “as long as the woman is holding the reins of a horse”.

Then in 1909, the decree was further watered down when an extra clause was added to allow women in trousers on condition they were “on a bicycle or holding it by the handlebars”.

More via Women banned from wearing trousers in Paris – Telegraph.

Hamster for a day in a French hotel

It’s a unique concept according to its creators. A hotel in the French city of Nantes is offering the chance for people to become a hamster.

For 99 euros (£88) a night, visitors to the hotel in Nantes can feast on hamster grain, get a workout by running in a giant wheel and sleep in hay stacks in the suite called the “Hamster Villa”.

More via  Telegraph.

Crime tip: When carrying 30 pounds of pot it’s a good idea to obey traffic laws

A Maywood, Ill., man was taken to Jasper County Jail on Friday after a State Police canine officer discovered 30 pounds of suspected marijuana in his car.

Indiana State Police Master Trooper Rick Hudson stopped Brian K. Fortner, 37, at the DeMotte/Roselawn exit on northbound Interstate 65 Friday afternoon for driving 94 mph in a 55 mph zone.

via Local News :: Post-Tribune

A police officer acquaintance of mine once told me that they catch a large percentage of criminals because of traffic stops.

50 years. Now that’s an overdue book, Parkland People.

A high school librarian in Phoenix says a former student at the school returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago along with a $1,000 money order to cover the fines.Camelback High School librarian Georgette Bordine says the two Audubon Society books checked out in 1959 and the money order were sent by someone who wanted to remain anonymous.

via  MiamiHerald.com.

How do you tell if an elephant is fat?

The Edmonton Zoo has put Lucy the elephant on a diet and exercise program to reduce her weight by 1000 pounds in the coming year to help with her breathing and arthritis problems.

via Zoo puts pudgy pachyderm on diet.

Hey, Otto. Is this van making a funny rumbling sound?

According to the BBC thieves in Germany stole a circus van  unaware that there was a lion sleeping in the back. They abandoned the van after hitting a road sign and escaped, probably still  not knowing about the lion. Police didn’t know about it either until they opened it after having the van towed to an impound lot.

The lion? He’s fine after having a refreshing nap.

via Ananova – Thieves steal circus van – and lion.